I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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