The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
