so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize