I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
