i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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