That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
