i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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