WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
