Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
