I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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