i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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