My friends, they love my intelligence
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
