I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
