i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
