Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
