the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
