Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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