she looked like the before picture.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
