Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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