I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
