So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
