Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
