Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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