im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
