chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
