halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
