She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
