Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
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Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The air was thick with penises
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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