He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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