Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
