God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You ate ashes out of my bong
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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