I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
