well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
