im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
