I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
