if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
