so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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