I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
