Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
