yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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