the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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