But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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