he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i out mim tonsoeep
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize