Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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