I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
this hospital has no fireball
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
