Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
