Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
my poor anus
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
