You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
