We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
