the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
