The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
