We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
