i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
