I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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