Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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