party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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