i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
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The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
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I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.