will power is for people who don't want to get laid
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one