My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...