here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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