Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
