I need to stop coming to work sober
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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