Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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