Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
