you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
