Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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