i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
