Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
