high people should be assigned attendants
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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