in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
