I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Randomize
