just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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