new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
