she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
