Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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