I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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