So drunk its hurt
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Buhtt sex?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
