Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
