i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
