Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
